October 11, 2001

I haven't written at all this week. I've been busy getting stuff done in preparation for going away this weekend. I'm flying. I'm generally speaking not a happy flyer. The flying is fine, the idea of crashing is not so fine. Now I'm even less thrilled with the idea. I keep hearing new stories that make me worried.

For instance: "WASHINGTON, Oct. 11 The FBI said Thursday that new terrorist attacks may be planned inside the United States or abroad in the next several days, and asked local police to be on the highest alert and all Americans to be wary of suspicious activity."

I'm going to Iowa, the home of the stollen Anthrax virus that killed the man in Florida. I'm on a somewhat long flight, 3 1/2 hours. And it's the first time anyone I know has flown since Sept. 11, which concerns me in the world of fiction.

I sometimes imagine what would happen in a situation if it was in a novel. It worries me when something in my life is too close to a perfect scenario in a novel. Usually I think of the worst that can happen. I'm almost afraid to say it for fear of tempting fate, but I'm flying with my parents. I imagine our plane crashing, my sister losing her whole family in one blow, the next tragic act of terrorism, my sister on the Today show talking to Katie.

I found myself very stressed out today at work. It was partly everything I had to get done so I could leave; but I realized that what was causing my nerves to stretch to their limit was the idea of flying. Deep down I know everything will be ok. I know that security's better than it ever was and it's probably safer to fly now than it was on my previous flights. But my mild fear of flying isn't anything rational.

So I just pack up everything I need, think about getting away from my regular life for awhile, plan several books to read during the flights, and hope for the best. I don't know what else there is to do, other than not fly. And I won't do that, change my plans out of fear. I'm not a flag waver, saying we should spend all our money to help the economy, standing defiant in the face of violence. But I don't think I should let some suicidal fanatics keep me from doing something I want or need to do. So I will fly tomorrow. I will be at the airport at an ungodly hour so I can have hours to get through security. And I'm sure it will all be fine. If not, this will be my last entry. Hmm, my last words... Hmmmm...

"Action is eloquence."
- Shakespeare, Coriolanus, III, ii

Posted by Alyssa at October 11, 2001 11:24 PM
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