April 17, 2002

I have a counter on my site. That's the little thing that counts how many people visit my website and gives me various information about the people who visit. I know how they found my site, what country they came from, what browser they use, what search criteria they entered to find me on google or other search engines. It's pretty cool. It's also a little disturbing. Here are some of the things people have searched for then ended up finding me:

sarah and vinnie

birthday spankings

girls blowing bubblegum bubbles

katie couric and boots

squirrel weeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Angelina Jolie's religion

ramen makes me feel cheap

sarah jessica parker

sacramento studio apartment

dressed as wonder woman

bay to breakers police nude

kate spade nude pics

lychee cartoons

vanilla sky quotes

Got Milk? La Llorona

sunset pics

his loafer toe

norma rae protest

high heels pointed toes

female ejaculation movie

stuart weitzman lucite

halloween dressed in drag

viccolo pizza, san francisco

see-through blouse pics

strapless bra costume red

picture marilyn monroe

puddle of mud lead singer

stolen pics of j-lo naked

These are actually fairly clean searches. Usually I have a lot more hits from searches for nude pics of so and so, sometimes of teenage girls which is extra disturbing. I used to get a lot of hits from searches for pictures of people jumping out of the WTC towers which bothered me a lot, since I never put one of those pics on my site--finding them too horrible to publicize.

I understand why people found my site with a lot of the searches, for instance I did Bay to Breakers and posted pics, Norma Rae I mentioned in reference to a union protest I went to, that sort of thing. Some I kind of get, like I mentioned J. Lo in one of my postings but I didn't say anything about her being nude, never the less posted any pics of her, nude or otherwise. I've mentioned Viccolo pizza, drag Halloweens, and god knows the shoe searches are bound to find me.

But I get a huge (relatively speaking) number of hits from people looking for female ejaculation sites. At first I was boggled. Then I kind of remembered a comment my friend Kendra made once, when I first made my website. She said it was great, but she hoped I wouldn't start writing about intensely personal and embarrassing-to-read subjects like female ejaculation. I suspected I had mentioned it somewhere in my site. So I decided to do a google search of my own and find out where female ejaculation appeared on my site.

Eventually I came across the posting I'd made:

"I find that I feel much more free in my blogging since the Blogathon and perhaps I don't have to have something especially deep to talk about to post something. But don't worry, Kendra, I won't start talking about female ejaculation..."

However, I had to sift through more sex and porn websites than I realized existed to find it. After page after page of female ejaculation education sites (my favorite: "Tantric Journey to Female Orgasm Unveiling the G-Spot & Female Ejaculation LET YOUR WATERS FLOW!") I decided to add + Alyssa to my search to try to narrow the field down. Interestingly, adding Alyssa made things worse. Suddenly the sex ed sites gave way to straight porn sites.

Apparently Alyssa is becoming a popular porn name. Aside from the literally hundreds of sites promising pictures of Alyssa Milano nude (I had the name before her, incidentally), I came across lots of lovely versions of Alyssas. There was Alyssa Allure who starred with Candy Apples in one of her films. There was Alyssa Love and Alyssa Haven and Alyssa Rae--a "Sexy blonde bombshell showing you her goods!"

My favorite was Alyssa Alps. The "Mountainous Mams Of Alyssa Alps!" was well advertised. I couldn't help it, I actually went to her site. They were mountainous. You've got to love this description: "Alyssa's a fresh-faced young strumpet. She sizzles in "Head Over Heels" and has received critical acclaim with her small, yet very hot performance in "LapTop"."

I did eventually find my own post, which seemed sadly tame after all that had come before it. I almost forgot to look for it, so intrigued was I by my namesakes. Seeing my site surrounded by page upon page of porn made me laugh. I imagine sleazy little men poring through porn, looking for something to stare at while touching themselves, coming across my humble site. They find shoes, style comments, and deep thoughts about sunsets. But hey, whatever works for you.

Welcome perverts, nude pic seekers, and Alyssa Alps fans. I'm the USA of websites--I embrace all surfers, regardless of race, sex, sexual preference, religious leanings, or misguided desires. Let this hereafter be known as Alyssa Alps' melting pot!

Can you imagine how many more hits I'll get now that I've said female ejaculation 20 times? Ah, the irony.

Posted by Alyssa at April 17, 2002 09:33 PM
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